This was only the beginning

After taking them first 2 pills, I felt amazing! So I took the rest of my “friends” vicodin. I was so desperate to not feel anymore that I didn’t care. The prescription was old, this friend hadn’t taken them in over 2 months from the date of the bottle, so I thought “they won’t even notice!” And they never did, at least I don’t think so.

For the next year and a half, it was only off and on. I was still smoking a ton a weed, and drinking when I could. I got a job at the local subway, moved into my own place, and was on my own, I went back to school the next fall, and finally graduated, a year late. But I got my diploma. Huge accomplishment for me, considering all I had been through

My boyfriend at the time, Austin’s Dad didn’t move in with me, and I was fine with that. After Austin’s passing, I felt like we were drifting apart anyway, he dealt with it way differently than I did. I felt like he just wanted to forget Austin, that anything even happened, I’m sure that wasn’t the case, but that’s how He made it feel.

A year and a half later, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. I was 20, and scared to death! I thought “here we go, its gonna happen again!” And the next 9 months would be long and horrifying.

The first trimester went pretty good, then the second came, and the fourth month every little cramp, every little tiny pain in my stomach, my mom would be taking me to the ER… My Mom, she was there through every tiring visit to the hospital. They would run test, monitor the baby, and everything would be fine. Around the 6th month, things started going down hill. I was considered high risk so i went to the doctor every 2 weeks, and had an ultra sound as well, in my 24th week, my cervix was starting to thin out and dialate to soon, so I was put on bed rest in the hospital.

I was in there for about a week and a half, and was told to go home and continue bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. So the there I stayed, on the couch, only getting up to shower, and go to doc appointments.

I was 36 weeks and I went into the doctor and my blood pressure sky rocketed, and there was protein in my urine sample proving that I had Pre eclampsia, this would explain why I got so FAT!!! I gained 65 pounds, I was depressed and ready to get this baby out of me, He would be a month early, but at this point, he will be just fine, so to the hospital to deliver i go, with guess who by my side, MY MOM!!! That women is something else, AMAZING! I called the father and he soon arrived, and the next morning i was induced, at 3pm on february 25th 2003 I gave birth to a little boy we Named Aden Paul. He weighed a healthy 6 pounds 1 ounce and 19.5 inches long. It was a long delivery, but I was so happy it was over, he was alive and healthy! My little boy, im holding in my arms, finally. Little did he know, his mother wouldn’t be the greatest in the world, he seen things with me, no child should see their mommy go through, he watched his mom be “sick” for most of his life. And for that, I will always regret.

Before I had Aden, I had moved back into my parents. Life seemed to be ok, I was tired a lot, but I had a newborn baby, but had help from my parents and his dad when he was there. Not to long after Aden was born, I was getting knee and back pain, not bad, but enough to go to the Doctor.

So I made an appointment, went to the doc to address the pain I’ve been having, and he says back pain is probably due to the epidural I had while giving birth and knee pain could be due to water weight? I don’t quite remember, I asked “what can I do for the pain?” And that was the question that lead to Hell, the question that decided my fate, and the question that started the lying. This stupid Doctor wrote me a prescription of regular strength vicodin, 3 times a day for a month. Starting off, 3… time… a… day… for a MONTH, 90 pills. The beast that has been lying dormant for the a while has been awoken, the beast, the monster I call…. ADDICTION!!!

At first, I would take them as prescribed, 3 times a day, not as needed, but 3 times a day weather I was in pain or not. Then I remembered that very first high I got after taking my friends, from here on out, 3 would turn into 4, then 5, then 6 and so on. I would take 2 at a time, then 3, then it got to the point where I was finishing my prescriptions to soon. This is where the lying all the time comes in, I had to chase that first high, that amazing, numb feeling I got when I first took them, my life as I knew it would become a race, a chase to catch that very first high. I would start doing and saying what I could to get more. I’m gone, Gresha who? I am now, the Addict.

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