I want to share this poem I had written while sitting at my sons baseball game the other day. The feeling of being so proud of him overwhelmed me, that the words just kept flowing, the feeling of knowing how happy he was that I was there, watching him and cheering him on felt great, when it wasn’t to long ago that he didn’t even want to be alone with me, or he was embarrassed to be around me. So proud that our bond now is UNBREAKABLE!! And so proud of him for regaining that trust, because for him, just like me, its learning process. So this poem, I dedicate to my children, whom I love so, so much. They are my reason, for staying alive.
“Addiction is a decease, a decease that is very, very bad.
It makes everyone around you, so very, very sad.
It will take your heart and soul, and rip it all to shreds.
You will love no more family, you will love getting high instead.
It will take your family, and tear it apart.
But you will not care, because you no longer have a heart.
You will lie, cheat and steal from the ones you say you love.
This is all your daily life will ever consist of.
Addiction will take you so far down to Hell, you wont be able to catch your breath,
The only thing you face now, is ultimately your death.
Addiction takes your mind, and it makes your body weak,
You have to start getting high, everyday of the week.
Everyday I wake up thankful I am alive,
I made it one more night, just one more night I survived.
Every single morning, I start my chase to get high,
Then I look up, and I always ask God why?
My addiction gets stronger and stronger everyday,
I start pushing my family and kids further away.
This decease got so bad, I felt dope sick all the time,
Now there is this ladder, I surely have to climb.
There is a ladder standing before me, A ladder out of Hell,
Its time to say goodbye to drugs and the Devil, and bid my farewell.
While climbing this ladder, I look up and see light,
I will continue this journey, and continue to fight.
There will be times where I will break, and times where I will fall,
But I’m doing this for my family, so this monster I will brawl.
I went to Hell and back, with the Devil I came face to face,
But I will beat him in this war with the help of God’s Grace.
I am now almost 2 years clean with my family by my side,
They no longer look at me with sadness, they look at me with pride.
Addiction is a decease, it will always be life long,
But with my family by my side, they will always keep me strong.
It will always tap on my shoulder, or knock on my front door,
but I now have the strength to say to the Devil, NO MORE!!!!”
Not every day is easy for me, there are days I struggle more then others. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that lately I’ve struggled, those that see me on a daily basis maybe notice I am more quiet lately? Some have even mentioned it.
The month of May is a struggle for me, it has been for the past 14 yrs. In 2001 My first born baby passed away, I am still in the learning process of how to deal with this emotion without being high. But those of you out there struggling like myself, I assure you, it will get better, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, it will take a while, but when you get to the point of relief, where you can finally breath a little better, ITS WORTH EVERY STEP!! Never lose sight of whats important to you.