I just wanted to let all of my awesome followers know that I am currently working with a recovery group writing blogs for them! As I have started on this new adventure, I feel humbled and very blessed to have been given this amazing opportunity!!
Tonight as I lay down to sleep, I am at a peace with where I feel I need to be after a very rough, temptation filled week! I have all my babies under one roof, our tummies are full, we have a roof over our heads, and warmth with heat as well as love.
There was a time that not all of my children wanted to be under the same roof as me! Aden, I want to talk real quick about how my addiction has affected my child. And i say Aden specificly because I was an addict from the time he was 2 weeks old to just a few years ago!
I didnt provide Aden the life he deserved growing up as a small child. He seen me sick more times than he has seen me well. At one point, that is all he knew, and at one point, I felt, as well as him, that he was my care taker and the younger kids as well. He was always worrying, always in his toes. He was dragged out at all hours of the night, and he has witnessed the wrath of the Devil taking over my mind, body and soul.
Aden was just telling me tonight, “Mom, do you realize that I still remember the very day you had your last seziure? October 3rd, 2011!” That day was his breaking point, the day I lost him, the day he had lost all trust and faith in his mommy, the one who was suppose to take care of HIM. The one who was suppose to set an example, a standard of how a good mom should be, and I failed, miserably.
After that day, Aden would start being depressed, get angry, sad, mopey and he couldnt even bare to live with me, he was scared.
The day of my last seziure, he was alone with me and his 2 younger brothers and he thought that his mom was dying right before his little eyes. Thats when he would start living with my parents, and eventually his Dad and I decided it would be best for Aden to live with his dad. That, I will forever regret, the biggest mistake of my life, my son had lost all hope and faith in me. I had put drugs before my children.
My little boys had seen me have a seziure but at that time, they were young enough to where they didnt quite understand why, they just thought mommy was sick, because thats what everyone told them.
I have done a lot of shameful things in the 10 years of my addiction, things I certainly am not proud of, but failing, and letting down my son is number 1 on my list of shitty things I have done.
On this day, 2 years clean and sober, I am happy to say, with hard work and dedication, Aden regained his trust in me, we have a great relationship, and our bond is unbreakable! He stays with me every other weekend and mist of the summers. He still lives with his Dad for now in Zeeland MI, and is thriving. He plays traveling baseball, and is an avid hunter, and does good in school. It took a lot of work from both him and I, but we made it!
Addiction effects everyone around you, it will tear your life and family apart and in my case, it almost took a mother away from her children. And children away from their mother.
There is nothing in this world that will ever break our bond, nothing is more important than my children, Aden, Steehl, Reign and Pheenyx.
When you have an addiction, it takes something that is worth more then drugs to get clean, for me, it was MY CHILDREN!!! 🙂
This will be the last blog I will be posting for a while so I can concentrate on my recovery group blogs. If anyone would like to read them, you can catch them on Aid In Recovery facebook page and like it and AidInRecovery.com.
If people would like me to copy and paste to this blog, I can do that as well! Just leave a coment and feedback and I will let you all know!!
I am very excited about this new adventure as this blog is getting out to people all around the United States, reaching more addicts like myself, this is my whole goal in my recovery! Helping addicts like myself!!
Love and life always, and God Bless you all!!!